Does that ring true for you? Your customers? Yesterday I stopped by Starbucks for a basic black coffee because I was out of beans at home. I walked out and later discovered it was full of grounds. A terrible cup of Joe. When I mentioned it this morning, they gave me a cup on the house. Fortunately it was fine. A coffee house needs to nail the basics and that’s simple, good coffee. I often wonder if Starbucks has forgotten that. They did good today though.
What do you do when things are not going your way? Do you wallow in self pity or pull yourself together and turn it around? Make some fresh squeezed lemonade? What’s your BATNA?*
While it’s easy to get caught up in the negative vortex, a little perspective shift can stem the downward spiral. You have a choice: let the wrongs of the day rule you or use them as an opportunity to improve. To turn the day towards your favor.
I talked today about neuroplasticity which is the mind’s ability to rewire itself based on changes to your environment, focus, thinking, injury, etc. Previously it was thought the brain developed when young and then was fixed. Taken a step further, you have the ability to direct your brain’s rewiring based on the concept of self-directed neuroplasticity where you change your brain based on where you focus your attention, whether that is your thoughts or time spent honing a skill.
Why wallow in self pity when you can directly influence your sense of happiness by choosing to do so? You can choose not to think of the wrongs of the day as things being done to you but just obstacles to overcome.
I will admit sometimes we want to be a grinch. To be cantankerous to get it out of our system. But make sure you get it out. I know I do this at times. It’s not always easy in the moment to recognize what we’re doing to ourselves and others. Yet the more you practice pulling your act together, the easier it gets. Because your brain will recognize what’s happening sooner and correct course even before you realize it.
As a business, your customers have bad days and may want to take it out on you. Rather than taking that personally, you have the chance to help them turn it around by injecting a little wow and delight into their day. It’s up to them whether to accept it. And a topic for another day but you also need to recognize when some customers are not a good fit for you or your team and actually cause harm in which case you should part ways.
Intentionally working on turning a misstep into opportunity increases your chances for more good days than bad.
In the heat of the moment we revert to what we know, how we know to act and respond accordingly. We’re not in a state of mind to think holistically. To bring our best self. Unless we’ve trained our mind and body to be that best self.
That’s why it’s important to practice. To do the personal work to become who you want. To show up how you want to show up when things get tough.
Will you navigate such hurdles with grace and style or flail about attacking everyone in your way? And then regret it later?
This is hard work. You will not always bring your best self to difficult moments. I think, though, if you practice, if you make it your mission to take a little step everyday to get there, you’ll do that much better next time. You’ll be able to respond from a place of strength and experience better outcomes. You’ll recognize the situation and check yourself automatically rather than just reacting. Without practice we go with what we know; what is instinctual.
I often share an article entitled “The neuroscience of leadership” from 2006 that talks about how change causes physical pain in the brain and to make it stick you have to transfer the change from working memory to the basal ganglia where habits are stored. And that takes repetition and focus.
What’s your default response and what steps will you take to strengthen it?
It’s human nature to think the worst and remember the same. We discount happy moments, take them for granted. We assume when change comes it isn’t generally good news. And when someone pays us a compliment it either comes with strings attached or isn’t sincere.
It’s why we think about the ‘good old days’. The way things were. The golden era. Except in the moment there were other ‘good old days’. It’s a moving target.
I venture to suggest that given the current climate of discord that there were better days. More civil. And there can be better days ahead too. It’s a matter of perspective and who wants to lose hope for a better future? And I still believe there are cycles we go through.
There’s big business in nostalgia. And opportunity in getting people to not always fear the worst in the face of change. Especially your teams and colleagues. How do you react to change? Glass half empty or half full? I suggest starting with the latter.
I’m currently reading ‘How to Think‘ by Alan Jacobs which dives into how we can’t think independently because we’re much influenced by our environment.
What comes up for you when you think about how you think?
Today is the day we write pithy words of thanks and gratitude. Right before the mad dash that is the holiday season.
I, too, owe much gratitude to those around me for their kindness. Their time. And the opportunities I have each day. It’s remarkable what each of us have even when we’re clamoring for more. I have to remind myself of that too.
It’s no secret this has been a weird and trying year on so many fronts. For this day, though, a simple thank you. A chance to slow down and savor the moment. To breathe in the warm scents of a juicy, freshly roasted Turkey. Happy Thanksgiving all.
Shall I acknowledge it’s been nearly a year since I’ve posted here? It’s pretty obvious and yet I feel I need to do so for you, dear reader.
Why is it that at the end of each year we take that step back to evaluate what we did and didn’t do over the year? Goals set and not achieved. Or set and actually exceeded?
It isn’t that I haven’t posted ANYTHING online for the year. Rather, I’ve kept up my daily photo and a few words about the day over at Mundaily. Using my trusted Fuji X100f each day, I’ve flexed my visual muscles and the workflow of downloading, editing and processing an image for each day. Some days have been visually richer than others. Some I just need to check the image off the list.
As I usually do each year, I think a lot about what I want to do when I grow up. Seems I am in a perpetual stage of growing up! It’s the journey really and embracing that is what I enjoy. It’s about possibility. It’s about engagement. And I’ve realized more than ever, it’s about being intentional.
I won’t make promises that I will blog daily, weekly or on any schedule yet. The proof will be in the pudding so to speak. Yet I am eager to flex my writing muscles to improve. To share what’s going on. To share the possibility I feel in spite of all we read each day.
It’s no secret we’re facing momentous change given the election results. Like many, I never thought this would come to pass and have had to pick myself up out of depression for what this means for our country. Whereas Obama gave us hope – and delivered on that promise for all intents and purposes – we now face divisiveness and ugliness. My initial desire was to pretend it was a bad dream. That it didn’t really happen. But it did and it’s out of our control. Running away isn’t an option. But focusing on what we can control is. It may not always be easy. Few things worth doing are. As a consummate thinker I process possibility. I visualize the good, the bad and everything in between.
Outside of the election, 2016 has been a year of change for me and will continue to be well into 2017 – that I am certain about. Spending more than a few hours above 30,000 feet during the year affords much time to envision the future. To reconcile what’s working; what’s not working. To think about all of the mistakes I’ve made. And no doubt I’ll continue to make more as long as I navigate this circuitous path called life with more intention and authenticity than perhaps I’ve done in the past. None of us can go back. But we can move forward. You can either let change blow you around willy nilly. Or you can stare it in the face. Grab ahold of it. Throwing a pity party isn’t going to feed your soul. I’ve awoken this year in ways that are tough to articulate. It’s as if I finally got the memo. But then I am a guy and sometimes we’re a little slow on the uptake.
The election aside –I still have to compartmentalize that disaster – I feel more at peace. More alive. And more hopeful than I have. Part of it is through acceptance; letting go. And part of it is a desire to live the best life I can going forward. Why not? The Do was instrumental in this. As is much of the reading I’m drawn to. In fact, it seems books show up at the most serendipitous times. I’m currently working through ‘Designing your Life’ by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans – just out this fall! I recommend you work through it too. It’s about surfacing options rather than accepting the one solution staring at you. It’s about applying design thinking to your life. You don’t need to be a designer to do this and it can help spark positive change.
I often share this article on why most change initiatives fail: it’s because change causes physical pain in the brain and only through focus and repetition can you transfer this new change from one part of the brain to another. Remember how hard you had to think when learning to drive? It’s like that.
Even as I write this and ponder possibility – I am a dreamer at heart, and innately curious – I know there will be bumps on the journey. And it is always a journey. I’d like to call this texture. But I believe it’s how we face such bumps that makes us stronger. Here’s to navigating such with grace and style.
Whenever I travel for business I try to explore the city I’m in by taking walks before and after taking care of business. Naturally I take a camera with me. Jay Maisel always said that if you always have a camera with you, you never have to go out to take pictures. Certainly I always have a camera via my phone and I use that extensively, posting those images to Instagram and Mundaily. However, for what I’ll share on in this space, I’m making a rule that none can come from a phone but from a proper camera.
In most any city, you can find interesting places. Last October found me in Vienna, which happens to be visually richer than many and thus I was more prolific. Most are in and around the city, however I had a beautiful fall Sunday to explore the Wachau Valley west of Vienna on bike. It was nothing short of magical.
In this edit, I enjoy assembling juxtapositions of color and subject that add more personality to the images than if they were shown singularly. They’re all about light, color and gesture – three qualities Jay impressed upon me during a workshop long ago in Aspen, Colorado.
In 2014, inspired by others who do the same, I started thinking about the three words that would guide my work and life in the coming year. Here are the three simple – but potentially hard – words to live by this year.
I spend much time thinking about things and visualizing outcomes, good and bad. I try to consider all possible scenarios in the hopes that I can avoid pitfalls, overcome obstacles and ensure positive results. Planning is good. Avoiding irrational, hasty decisions is also good. But the reality is that you can’t predict the future. No amount of visualization and thinking will account for every possible outcome. Only by doing will you achieve your goals. Thinking begets more thinking. So after I think, this year I must do.
Seth Godin wrote in Linchpin about the importance of shipping. We can always make excuses for why we can’t finish something. There’s always one more thing we can and should do before we let something go. But that’s just our brains making excuses for why we can’t finish. And I’m as guilty of this as others. There are many unfinished personal projects I put off until tomorrow because they’re not ‘finished’. Or I make up reasons for why I can’t finish them today. It’s time to ship or delete the project.
In all the thinking and visualizing about the future I tend to do, I forget to enjoy the moment. In the past, I’ve called this being more present. This one was inspired by “Miracle in the Andes” by Nando Parrado, which I read last week. It’s the story of the 72 days survivors of a 1972 plane crash endured on glacier. In the book, Nando wrote about how every day he could take another breath was another day he was alive. Before this, he took much for granted. In the midst of doing and shipping, I commit to enjoying the process.
I can’t say I’ve been entirely successful the past two years with my three words. They’re a framework for living and something I think about from time to time. The more we do things, the more they become a habit and thus I continue with these three new words for 2016.
Many have researched the elusive pursuit of happiness. A couple of the more notable include Martin Seligman and Gretchen Rubin. Our consumer culture tells us we’ll be happy if we just buy more stuff and more exclusive tonics. Rinse and repeat.
It’s much simpler than that. You can find happiness by focusing on what makes you unhappy. You already know what makes you unhappy. By removing these things you’ll find yourself much happier in short order. It’s a subtractive process.
Before you think I’m a genius for the solution, I must share that this was one of the ‘oh duh’ moments that came from reading Nassim Taleb’s provocative book, Antifragile. He uses the concept of ‘via negativa’ versus ‘via positiva’ to solve our most perplexing problems.
Another key is to avoid toxic people. We know who these types are. Seek those having a positive outlook. Build friendships with those that are happy for your success rather than envious or competitive. It’s less work for you to remain positive and happy when you can be yourself. Immersed in negativity, it’s easy to get sucked in.
At work it’s a little harder. Sometimes we have to interact with toxic colleagues. Especially in workplaces where there’s an absence of the No Asshole Rule. In these cases, you can try to limit exposure and go in ‘feet first’ as one person does in her work place. This refers to being ejected from your kayak in the rapids where you want to stay feet first to avoid bonking your head on the rocks.
Most of us have too much complexity in our lives. And too much stuff. Simplifying through subtraction is relatively easy to do. Finding happiness by focusing on unhappiness is a small piece of Antifragile. It’s one of those books that changes your worldview.
What would you do if you knew you had just 15 minutes left. With just 15 minutes left clarity crystalizes in the mind. Clarity of purpose. Clarity of vision. Clarity of what it means to be alive. Totally alive. The petty things that cloud are vision and occupy our thoughts melt away. There’s no time for minutiae. No time for that next email about scheduling a meeting and putting the PowerPoint slides together. No time for analyzing all the options, getting buy in from all the stakeholders, all the people that might ridicule you for your actions. For taking a risk. For taking a stand.
Heck, there’s no time for worrying about being the fool. About being embarrassed or wondering what anybody thinks. No time for getting your hair right. Shaving. Ironing. No, there’s only time for decisive action. For setting into motion what will live on long after your final 15 minutes. What everyone will ultimately remember you by. Funny how a definitive end kicks you into action. Suddenly, you know absolutely what you must do. The sole reason you were placed on this beautiful planet to accomplish. And so, with 15 minutes to accomplish what you’ve dreamt for a lifetime you wanted to do. To be. You do it.
You know exactly what steps you need to take. What buttons to push. There’s no second guessing or backtracking. It’s all forward motion now. You’re able to bound up hills that moments ago seemed insurmountable. You’re able to push fear aside and act. With total clarity. Damn the pimples. The door dings in your new car. Who cares? They’re not important. You just made them so. You go right for the heart of what you’ve always known mattered but waited for the right time to act. Or waited because you were keeping your options open.
And so because of your clarity the people around you are inspired to act. To rethink their station and cast status quo aside. To banish mediocrity in favor of making that dent in the Universe. A dent that has absolutely nothing in common with a $39,000 Hermes Crocodile skin purse.
You take that risk because in 15 minutes it won’t be risky. You’ll have reached the end of the story. And your final chance to leave your mark. That’s it. There is no second chance now. No rewind or redos. No chance to lament. It’s all or nothing. I vote for all.
And if you fail? You’ll be remembered for your bravery. For your willingness to do what others were afraid of. And if you succeed? You’ll change lives and the world forever. Even if its leaving just one young girl with the gift of confidence in herself. In her ability to make a difference. To stand up to the pressures placed on growing up. The pressures to conform to what society expects. By doing just that, you’ll have changed the world because now she can carry on long after you’re gone and inspire others to do the same based on her actions. Her bravery. Few people even do that!